Don't put out my Light!

Lantern light...

My story began in the late eighties in the chilly and cold Aberdare Ranges in Central Province in Kenya. That Friday night it was too much for me to sit crouched in her belly and with the haste that is synonymous with boys I made for the exit at two in the damn morning! I vividly recall my sweet mum cursing under her breath each time she hugged me tightly soon after she would say; 'You are trouble but I love you so much' she was my god on earth and I did love her more than life.

Holy book says 'He grew, People and God loving Him' and so did I, so cold are the Ranges that the only way to survive is to constantly chew on something. I don't quite recall knowing my old man to this date, but like every boy I missed him so much.

Grazing in the Ranges...

Mary, that was the name of my mom. Sweet lady she was, so homely. I remember she set off to the city, without me. For a week I cried myself to sleep, inconsolable. I never understood how a loving mother could abandon her dear son like that, but my sweet grammy or Cucu took good care of. I was her little angel and she never let me out of her sight, I did enjoy to say the least I was well pampered. The only chore for the little boy was to shepherded her herd of cattle and sheep, which not only kept me busy but was paramount in building life skills that are important to this day.

I was enrolled in Ranges View Academy a private primary school, it offered the most epic view of the Aberdare Ranges and I do fondly remember spending hours on end staring at the magnificent graceful mountains that seemed so close yet so far!

Karuru Falls

 March, a cold rainy month. I hated it. Mr. Kamau, a friendly music teach whom I later on learnt was a distance Uncle (We African are all related one way or the other) sent for me, he patted me and in a voice of deep concern narrated how life is and must continue to be, having lived with my grandparents for years who were great story tellers I could not fathom where his was heading I brushed it aside. I remembered that evening I was shipped off to my Uncle's place and everyone seemed concerned and a darling to all affairs me. Confusing it was. I had learned from experience, especially after mama left  for the city on how to block and never pay attention to things that little me didn't comprehend. For the coming weeks I took my end of term papers, closed schools and rushed home to show my score card, I had performed and I was proud of me!

Lonely sunsets

For years, a young boy sat on the edge staring onto the horizon as the sun set dripping down into golden yellow beautiful evenings but I saw no beauty just the wish to go behind that very sun and meet my dearest mother. I still remember the first sound of the first lump of soil as it hit her casket as the pastor said the last words and two rivers burst in my face, a young lad said ' All will be well' and I thought how, how on earth without a mom. I cried for days on end, months and years and it later developed into stress and depression I gave up living.

school life...

Nothing quite stinks like being an orphan more so a boy, they promise you heaven but when a parent is finally laid to rest so are their promises. Promises made to lull the heart and seduce the soul at the end, they mean nothing. From home to house to another for eight eight years hustle and bustle through eight public schools in different localities at the end I lost the taste of life and the sense of belonging. I did learn little is enough and much should be saved for tomorrow for you never know when the day will be dark. I learnt to sit at the dark corners and talk to myself, to share secrets with my own self and to give my all to what I commit. Being an orphan is not a choice and never for the faint for a faint. 

Long way down...

You will be caught between deniable reality and dreamy moments, so much that the reality of a particular moment are hazy. Your feet will be heavy and soul empty eventually by grace or luck you develop the urge to survive in a world you were never meant to be part of. And down the unknown paths, with no guidance but with loads of judgement you trend learning by doing and knowing it hot when you are scorched but when sign of success show everyone will come dine and make merry with you.

Words, like an archers arrow once they leave your mouth there is no editing it might build or forever kill innocent souls. You might be pressed by your need and wants, never rush to promise don't let emotions make you say thing you can never fulfill, those little souls will hold you accountable they will be a constant reminder that though you have achieved you are a polite definition of failure to humanity. Success is contributing to the well-being of the society not self.

The worst poverty is that of the mind, the rest is never permanent.